Tag Archives: nonsense

Regular Poem: Double 0 License Renewal

7 Dec

To: [Redacted]
From: Human Resources
Re: License Renewals

Compose Email

Good afternoon!

First of all congratualtions to [redacted] on winning the betting pool regarding the date of [redacted]’s [redacted]!

More exciting chances to teambuild and [redacted] to come!

The following personnel’s certifications have expired and must report to HR offices before [redacted] to sign up for renewals.
When you sign up, remember to keep in mind the length and labor-intensivity of the courses.

First Aid/CPR:
[list redacted]

Hand-to-hand Combat:
[list redacted]

[list redacted]

[list redacted]

Cheekiness during Torture:
[list redacted]

Unrepentant Murder:
[list redacted]

If you’ve found your name
among any of these lists,
please sign up
for the required recertifications,

but also remember
your name is nothing.
You are but a number
in service
to Queen and Country.



Regular Poem: Liminal Spaces

8 Oct

it’s one of those


that means something
and you know it in jolts and spasms but not in


you have to look it up every time
before you use it for real

but you think it
feel it
all the time


a corner to turn
and you double check the street sign as you do it

a door to open
and you double check the address as you do it

a pond to jump in
and you double check the depth as you do it


certain spaces are heavy dense

of something not themselves
but what they’ve been before
and what a sense of them is
or might be
or could be

a hot car on a rainy night
fog and shadows and smears of reflection
thoughts jittering and skittering

a rainy night four years ago
drunk and upset
same car
different roads
same person
different different same same

a rainy day ten years ago
same car
same smell
a passenger who said
it smells like mocha
maybe it did
maybe it does
maybe that’s just cheap leather seats and smoke and

surreal encounters
a wet sheen over everything
hazy and hopeful faint and foreboding and on the cusp of something


she and i
talk about a lot of things
but it always
sooner or later
turns to murder
theoretical hypothetical intellectual

an exercise of wits
but still

she knows

my preference is
(would be)
physical intimate
rage and release

i know

her preference is
(would be)
tactical efficient
clean and clinical

we run on parallel tracks
but one of us is freight the other passenger
i don’t know which is which
but the coal is burned the same


she and i
talk about a lot of things
but it always
sooner or later
turns to how brains work
how we think what we think when we think
of certain things we think of

i pry into her mind pick apart question analyze
her mind is such a mine
coal copper silver gold
all stunning and worth so much

if i could live in someone else’s brain for a day
to experience the cogs
to calibrate the gear ratios
it would be difficult to choose
i’ve known so many bizarre individuals
but i would ultimately choose her

it wouldn’t be as much of an adventure
so much as an equal and opposite force
we come to the same conclusions different ways
love the same things for subtly different reasons

a dining car on a train
a mess hall on a battleship


i wouldn’t know how
to exact revenge

i am a woman bound to temporality
i know the now
and have vague feelings about the then

sharp pangs of acute memory
encased in murky impressions
and then
a lightning flash of something stupid

i read an article once
about a woman who
survived a lightning strike because of the underwires in her bra

of course i don’t remember the details
the how and why

i remember deciduous and coniferous trees
i remember adverbial objectives
i remember bogs and fens
i remember a certain kiss

but i don’t remember all the specific slights

i exist in a temporal plane


joke’s on you
she laughs

she uses my phrases

we’ve come to be

i’ve always thought
in spite of myself
her hands were sexy

and now
even though we were meant to hate each other
even though they wanted us to somehow balance each other

see each other
match each other
protect each other
care for each other
know each other

love each other

we exchange words that express this
but we also
and more offen and importantly
exchange actions

i wouldn’t care to spend time in her brain
she ought to have something that’s hers alone

i don’t wonder how she thinks

i know

she’s smart
and thinks things i think and things i don’t

i simply
love her for all of it


i’ve been trying
to tell people

i’ve been trying
to show people

i love you
you’re worth something

i say to him
you can share the gospel
without sharing The Gospel
if you don’t cultivate a relationship

you have to care for and love a person for that person
to wonder about
the care and love inside you
where does that love come from
why do you care so much

he likes it
but it’s platitudes

i wish i could be as good as i sounded


it’s one of those


it’s one of those


i heard you want to buy a houseboat
she says
but that’s not here
she also says

perhaps she would miss me if i moved away

but that’s so fake and fantastical

it’s just
one of those things
that engenders that sort of reaction

it’s just one of those



dictionary definitions

i have a lot of feelings about dictionaries
i have a lot of feelings

i have a lot of words

i have a lot and so little

Regular Poem: Pin-Up Girls

25 Jul

i never get a regular compliment

“you’re the most symmetrical woman i’ve ever seen”
“you’re giving off lynda carter wonder woman vibes”
“you can take a punch better than anyone i know”
“you’re so thug to me”
“you look like the kind of woman who knows how to sew”

“you look like the kind of woman who would be painted on the side of a bomber plane in wwii”

(that’s my favorite)

i never get a regular compliment
just bizarre comments on my clothes, my accessories
that definitely mean you were looking
at my body
but didn’t want to seem like it

“oh? you carry two phones?” (you were looking at my butt)
“i like the way you cuff your pants; do you have to wash your jeans inside out to preserve the color?” (you were looking at my legs and butt)
“you’re tanning well” (you were looking at my tits)

i never get a regular compliment

every partner
i’ve ever had
has insisted

on my nudity

whatever they’ve thought of me
i’ve been better
to them

girls boys whoever

the first thing they do

undress me

they think
this is how they
strip me
of my power
if i won’t be emotionally bare
at least i’ll be bare naked

but there they are

confronted by my body
the body they wanted
to strip
the body
that is still there
the body
they’ve thought about all along
not some fantasy body
but the body in some fantasy
they’ve had

(i gave a strip tease once
she said i smiled too much
but it was so silly
why wouldn’t i
smile? [also
i was happy
and i learned to dance
from busby berkeley numbers

i was wearing
red lace,

and when i was finally in her lap
she didn’t seem to mind)

he says face deep
and it’s jarring to hear
something so ordinary

i don’t want beautiful
i want something weird

i’m accustomed to

my locker at work is adorned
with bad poetry
animals i don’t like in costumes i do

when my dad was alive
he had displayed in his kitchen
a lawyer he didn’t like
in a


position (a place one might place
a pin-up; she wasn’t in thigh-high stockings or anything just
an advertisement with an
outdated portrait) as if
he really did
like her

because i did really
like her
or like the
idea of her

execute so many functions

a laugh a lark
but also

i’d totally bang that lawyer
i would not bang the rabbit in the nurse costume
but maybe if the lawyer wore the nurse costume…)

but mostly they remind you of things
i guess

not like a string tied around your finger
but like
that spot in your ribs
that warms up at certain thoughts

i’m a woman painted on a bomber plane
i’m an advertisement pinned to a corkboard
a poem taped to a locker
a body disrobed and mapped by eyes and fingertips

it’s not all exactly the same
but it’s not not the same

we’re all
looking and not looking
looking and pretending not to look
not looking and accidentally looking

clear coat nail polish
highlighting and glistening
and chipped the next day

tight pants

what if i did appear
in leather pants
one day

no one
would be able to
handle it
it’d be too close to nude

i never get a regular compliment

Regular Poem: Gold Standard

10 Jul

buying flowers online always
seems like a scam
the site is always
shifting and trembling
pixels appearing and disappearing
shudder shudder stock photo
stock photo with shitty photoshop ribbon announcing

Next Day Delivery!
Florist’s Choice!
Summer Delight!
Robot Catchphrase!

i throw my money anyway
bind it up on an arrow light the arrow on fire launch the arrow
you hear tell of money buried
in coffee cans
money under beds
money in washing machine basins
i have $200 cash in my wallet
and the rest tied up in shady electronic florists

we’re off the gold standard so who cares

“‘you wanna bang or nah'” she says i should say
“that would probably be ineffective” i say

but we’re off the gold standard so who cares

there is
shoulda woulda coulda
but all we can really work with is
did do gonna

on second thought ought is not
a perfectly good modal auxiliary
requires an infinitive to get its point across
is old-timey and wishy-washy
i love it though

i love you though

efficiency vs expediency vs functionality vs sentimentality
a cage match no one wins

are you an appositive or an adjective clause
do i know the difference anymore

i used to quiz myself
but now i’m too stupid for that
the older i get the stupider i get
or maybe

i’ve been acclimating myself to it for years

(i’m a piece of shit
and i live laugh love that

first it’s a faraway criticism
then it’s internalized
finally it’s an identity

i can’t say i’m happier
but i’m truer

(but that’s nonsense
true is an absolute adjective
an adjective that can’t be compared it’s either
true or not

[but where did i unearth that artifact
from my ancient storied past
{that grammatical ruin of a rule unpracticed and mostly forgotten except
in tales of gorgons and mermaids and me–
the me i am when i am
the mermaid of the year
and not just regular stupid me of tithes and tides}])

i don’t know how we got here

you say you know but i don’t really
believe you

we’re off the gold standard
and i wish i knew
what that really means

we’re off the gold standard
but i can’t believe you’re
not the gold standard
if the gold standard
means anything at all

do economics students forget as easily

who’s got the worst memory and the best

Regular Poem: talking at and talking to and just talking to talk

23 Apr

i have a bad habit
of talking at people
rather than to them
a diatribe rather than a dialogue
a performance rather than
a conversation

funny thing
means something different from
it looks to me that
in the former
the con means against
in the latter
the con means with

i think the verse is the same

but the melody’s different
or maybe the chorus changes

it happens all the time
with and against
talking at or talking to
or talking to talk

she talks at me
every time

i don’t know her boyfriend’s name
he’s only
he and him
because that’s the way
she’s structured the

she draws me in
in medias res
to any weird thing
that’s happened to her

but the funny thing about a
such as this

is the intimacy

it’s assumed
but then
it’s there
for real

and she calls me
not half an hour later
to reiterate her points and also

to invite me
to talk

Regular Poem: Details

22 Apr

the devil’s in them
or so i hear

i dislike them myself

that’s not true

i like the details i like

i’m sure it’s the same for everyone
the same sentiment the different details

don’t ask me dates and figures
ask me colors and facial expressions
phrases and where commas go and why

everyone’s precise in their own way and clumsy in others
i suppose
don’t expect me not to spill drinks
or to practice piano
but i can tell you a heck of a lot of
traffic laws

detailing people’s details they enjoy
is another detail i enjoy

but however detail oriented
people claim to be on their resumes

there’s that study you know

you’re looking for number of passes
and miss the gorilla

looking for some details
and missing others that you didn’t know
might pop up

it’s best to be open to possibilities
and not get so caught up telling people seen is the perfect participle of to see and should be used with an auxiliary verb

then you might miss that they’re saying

i seen that gorilla

and anyway
i still don’t want to talk about
the exact date i will
do that thing i’ve been talking about

i indulge you because i know that’s the kind of detail you like

but please
read the room

Regular Poem: Right Tool for the Job

12 Apr

it wouldn’t have mattered much
if i’d let her
use the melon baller
instead of the ice cream scoop

whatever implement one uses
the ice cream gets in the bowl
a matter of increments and effort

in the same vein
or maybe it’s an artery in this case
i’ve used the meat tenderizer
instead of the ice pick
and gotten results
similar enough to my goal

it’s the principle
the name recognition

when i reach a point
of despair
the ice cream carton of myself

i wish i would’ve used the ice cream scoop
the melon baller
over weeks and months and hours and days
just little stupid things
taken out
stresses the proverbial forearm

and then the problem’s this block of ice
and you’re glad you brought the meat tenderizer

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