OUaT 2.6 Recap: When They Forgot More Than We’ll Ever Know about Emma Swan

18 Jan

Episode 6:  Tallahassee

Previously on Xena Damages:  That hipster from 2.1!

Present-Day Fairy Tale Land:  The OUaT Spice Girls and Hook are at the beanstalk, and Hook gives us some exposition:  Evil giants grew magic beans to plunder stuff and subsequently destroyed all the beans.  Hook again promises loyalty “to whomever gets me there first.”  Don’t you mean whoever?

He’s also got a spell thing to get up the stalk (which you can’t climb without a spell of some kind for some reason).  He has two of them because he ain’t goin’ up there alone.

Pictured L-R: The Nastiest Dude Ever; Someone Who Is Supposedly 17

Portland, 11 years ago:  Hipster Baby Emma approaches the yellow VW she currently owns and breaks into it and steals it.  That other hipster is in the back seat, except 11 years ago he wasn’t a hipster: he was a nasty-looking dude 11 years ago.  He’s totally cool with the fact that she just stole his car.  She runs a stop sign, and he gets her out of the ticket because he had actually also stolen the car.

Present-Day Fairy Tale Land:  All of the OUaT Spice Girls are fighting over who’s going up the stalk.  Emma will because HER SON.  She takes Mulan aside and talks to her about cutting down the stalk if she’s not back within a certain time frame.  Hook wants his hook back (which they’ve taken away as a safety precaution).  He claims he can’t climb one handed, and Tish says, re: Emma, “Can I climb with fake eyelashes?  I don’t know.”

Going up the beanstalk, Hook commences some heavy-duty flirting.  Emma ain’t havin’ none of it.  And then he gets down to brass tacks: that she’s a woman who’s been jilted and left alone or something.  He tries to psychobabble her.  And she says she’s never been in love.

11 Years Ago:  Pregnant Emma and that hipster are in a convenience store doing a bunch of shoplifting.  When Hipster is about to be caught by another dude who comes in the store, Emma fakes labor.  They run out, and she takes off her fake pregnant belly.

They go to a hotel room, and Emma insists on having a dream catcher there.  He reveals that he wants to settle down.  She don’t even know.  He tells her to close her eyes and point to a map to choose where they will live, and she points to Tallahassee.

Present-day Fairy Tale Land:  Snow is comforting Sleeping Beauty about her nightmares:  Apparently this is a common side effect of sleeping curses, and Snow insists the nightmares will eventually go away.  She got over them because when she’d wake up in the night, Charming would light a candle to ward off nightmares and keep her safe.  She promises to watch over Sleeping Beauty.

Less nasty in the looks department, more nasty in the personality department

Up in Beanstalk Land, Hook informs Emma that this is where the final battle between giants and humans took place.  She has accidentally cut her hand, and Hook must bandage it forthwith (sexily/douchily with his teeth) because giants can smell blood.  Meanwhile, he’s still flirting yuckily.  Emma decides that Gold took more than Hook’s hand from him.

11 Years Ago:  Hipster reveals they can’t go to Tallahassee because he’s wanted for stealing a bunch of expensive watches, and he’ll never escape the long arm of the law.  The watches are still in some train station lockers, and Emma suggests they fence the watches and change identities because she’s totally in love with this totally nasty dude.

You got a little somethin’ on your face… Just some schmutz…

In Beanstalk Land:  Wow, CGI-est!  Wait, I’ve seen this episode of Xena…  Emma tricks the giant into inhaling the opium powder Mulan gave her.

Back under the Beanstalk:  Sleeping Beauty and Snow White are still bonding about nightmares.  Sleeping Beauty describes the recurring dream she’s been having:  She’s in a red room with no windows or doors, the curtains are on fire, and someone else is in the room.

In Beanstalk Land:  Hook wants to look at all the treasure while Emma wants to get down to business.  Because who knows how long opium powder works?

11 Years Ago:  A tiny flashback to the train station lockers with Emma looking at them suspiciously.

In Beanstalk Land:  Hook and Emma are still flirting and sometimes trying to find the compass.

11 Years Ago:  Emma gets the watches and takes them to Hipster.  He gives her one and says he’s going to meet the fence.

Why are you wasting your time in dark alleys with that nasty hipster when you could be wasting your time in dark alleys with me?

On his way to meet the fence, Hipster is being chased.  He thinks it’s a cop, but really it’s Pinocchio  who wants to tell him Emma’s story.  He tries to convince him to leave Emma for her own good and shows him what’s in the box on his motorcycle.  We don’t get to see what’s in the box, and I don’t remember if we already know.

Cops come and get Emma where she’s waiting for Hipster and arrest her for possession of stolen property.  She thinks Hipster has left her.

In Beanstalk Land:  The giant’s awake.  What would Xena do?  Trick him into falling in a hole? Anyway, the giant gets her.

11 Years Ago, Vancouver, 2 Months Later:  Hipster rolls up in the yellow bug and talks to Pinocchio.  Emma has gotten 11 months in a minimum-security place in Phoenix.  He wants to make sure the money from the watches and the car end up with Emma when she gets out.  Pinocchio promises to send him a postcard if anything changes.  Bum bum bum!

In Beanstalk Land:  Emma’s trying to plead with the giant, but he’s squeezing her.  She bites him.  Yeah, Xena would do that.  Gabrielle would more likely do that.  Oh, here’s a trap for the giant.  That’s totally what Xena did.

But how and when did they make this trap?

She talks to the now-captured giant, who claims that history did not go down how Hook said.  He claims the humans took advantage of the giants, etc., and that “victors get to tell the story.”  She gets the compass from him because of sympathy.  He explains that he’s very lonely since he’s the only giant left, and we all feel bad for you, dude.  He has a magic bean around his neck that is not operable as a reminder humans are all killers, but he and Emma have bonded, and so he makes an exit for her.  Emma wants him to save Hook, as well.

Hook shows up and wants to see the compass.  She doesn’t trust him still.  She shackles him, claiming she just wants a head start.

Downstairs, the allotted time Emma gave Mulan is about up, so Mulan is fixin’ to chop down the beanstalk, to Snow White’s chagrin.  Mulan strikes some blows, and she and Snow White fight a bit before Emma falls down to earth.

The OUaT Spice Girls! Say you’ll be there (when I fall out of a beanstalk)! Pictured in Fore: Baby. In Back L-R: Posh, Sporty, Ginger. Not Pictured: Scary (who is presumably back in ME but who knows because she was not in this episode)

Snow White wants to make this clear:

We go back together; that’s the only way.

And the OUaT Spice Girls all hug it out, but mostly Emma and Snow White.

11 Years Ago:  Jail Baby Emma sits in her cell.  The guard comes in to show her the car keys for when she gets out.  Also, her pregnancy test is positive.

In ME:  Henry wakes up from a nightmare, and Grandpa Charming lights a candle for it.  Turns out, Henry had the same dream as Sleeping Beauty!  Bum bum bum!!!  And there was a lady in there with him!

Notes:

  • I really thought boyfriend hipster dude was going to be Baelfire.  I guess that was all a red herring?  Or could he still be Baelfire?  That would be an even more twisted family tree for Henry!
  • Where the hell is Pinocchio these days?
  • Is this dream ominous or what?
  • I love, love, love how Xena this show is.  Emma Swan running around making crazy faces and brandishing weapons is hilarious.
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2 Responses to “OUaT 2.6 Recap: When They Forgot More Than We’ll Ever Know about Emma Swan”

  1. ladylavinia1932 19 December 2014 at 1:11 PM #

    So . . . by continuing to drive around in that stolen VW, Emma remains a thief . . . even if everyone tries to pretend otherwise.

    • TheBestofAlexandra 31 December 2014 at 2:19 PM #

      That’s such a good point. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but there is certainly a great amount of hypocrisy in the Storybrooke hero vs. villain dynamic.

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