Tag Archives: super dramatic subplot

Damages Season 3 Recap (All Spoilers, All the Time)

16 Mar

Oh hey, Season 3.  Haven’t thought about you in a while.  And I want to start season 4 now, so…

Best outfit all season

The format of my synopses has changed. The fabulosity of Patty’s clothes has absolutely not changed.

Flashforward Mystery #1:  Patty is driving.  Some other car runs into her!  Whodunnit?

Flashforward Mystery #2:  Mysterious Hobo hangs around a dumpster.  Tom’s murdered body is found in the same dumpster!  Whodunnit?

Main Plot Line:  Patty is the court-appointed trustee of the Tobin estate.  The Tobins are big business people involved in some kind of Ponzi scheme thing, as per usual.  She must figure out how and where and when all their money went wherever it did.

Joe Tobin, alcoholic oldest son, becomes Patty’s go-to dude for a minute, but mostly to establish him as a down-to-earth character at first.  He wants to make sure he looks as if he did everything he could to help the investigation (which also includes the DA’s office, where Ellen works now).

Joe gives Patty a cell phone number, and Hobo is in possession of the cell phone.  Tom investigates and finds clothes in the dumpster belonging to a DMM.  He investigates more.  Everyone is red-herringed into believing DMM–a lady who looks SO MUCH like Emily Prentiss from Criminal Minds–was having an affair with Dad Tobin (the CEO of the Tobin company), and Tom decides to investigate this angle because why not.

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I Guess I’ll Talk About This Thing Everybody’s Probably Talking About

25 Jan

I’m sneering about J.J. Abrams.

I’m sneering because he’s going to direct the next Star Wars, I guess.  I have a lot of issues with this:

Concern A:  What is the next Star Wars even going to be about?  Will new actors play the old characters?  Will the new movies follow a particular set of extended-universe novels?  Will anyone care?

Surely someone smart somewhere has said that a film is only as good as its villain.  Who’s going to be better than Darth Vader?  That is, who’s going to be better than Darth Vader was before the prequels came along and made him a complete lame ass?

I’m sure a lot of stuff could happen in the Star Wars universe, but as much as I loved those movies when I was a kid, I don’t think I care at all anymore.  Every time I think about Luke and Han and everybody, I then think about garish early 2000s CGI and wooden acting and bad dialogue taking the wind out of the sails of intrigue and grit.

Prequels that are different from the other thing don’t have to be all bad.  I’m watching Caprica right now, and while it doesn’t really satisfy me as something belonging to the same universe as Battlestar Galactica, I don’t hate it.  I actually like it as its own show, and I like the characters for who they are in their own show, and I like the idea of it.  I kind of think of it as really good fan fiction, where it’s not exactly canon, but it’s fun to think about anyway.

The Star Wars prequels aren’t that way for me.  I think of them as awful fan fiction that is actually canon, and it makes me want to strangle one of my favorite villains.  Instead of loving to hate him, I find myself hating to hate him and hating to love him, and hating to love him.  Basically all hate.

So here we are at some more sequels.  I’m hearing that it might be a reboot?  Why?  How do you get grittier than A New Hope?  Or flashier than The Phantom Menace?  Those are the two ways reboots occur, and neither of them makes any sense to the franchise.  Maybe it will be something in between gritty and flashy like Alias.  So we’ll have a bunch of fast-talking d-bags with a lot of drama at home?

Concern B:  I’m the kind of nerd who loves both Star Trek and Star Wars.  I love them both for their characters and their stories and their technobabble.  But I also love them both for their respective moods.

Star Wars–the original trilogy, of course–feels like a western, with gamblers and outlaws and wayward boys coming of age and crazy old coots in the desert and crazy old coots in the swamp and tall men in black suits trying to take away people’s land.  There’s something just raw and adventurous about the feeling of the original Star Wars trilogy.  Something familiar, but something exciting.

Star Trek feels like…well, it feels like Star Trek.  It’s got philosophy and utopian societies and fantastic technologies, but it’s also got just downright silliness.  Mirror universes with bearded Spock!  Janeway running around fighting gigantic CGI -viruses!  Data and Wesley! Star Trek is just such good-natured fun a lot of the time–exploring for exploring’s sake and being silly with the crew along the way.

And here’s where we come to my second concern:  I liked Abrams’s first Star Trek movie as a stand-alone piece in the same way that I like Caprica.  I like it as really good fan fiction.  But I don’t consider it canon because it simply does not feel like Star Trek.  It’s so heavy.  It thinks it’s weighty, and it acts weighty.  The Romulans incinerate the planet Vulcan, and Spock cries and makes out with Uhuru for comfort.  Meanwhile, in real Star Trek land, B’elanna Torres is telling someone to get the cheese to sickbay.

So I just don’t know what Abrams is going to bring to the Star Wars table.

But I can tell you what I wish he’d brought to the Star Trek table:  Mirror Universe!  Why couldn’t he have done a whole trilogy set in Star Trek’s established mirror universe?  With evil versions of all our favorite Star Trek characters?  Then he could have messed with the mood all he wanted, and it would’ve made sense!

The Second Most Bizarre Conversation I’ve Had This Week

28 Dec

File Under:  Not as bizarre as the time I got that wrong number from the Sumner County Jail, but more bizarre than the discussion with Tish about whether restaurants really got that many checks anymore

File Under:  The fifteen-year-old brain

File Under:  Motorcycles are the only requirement I have in a romantic partner, apparently

File Under: #lolwut

Dating Logic

Once Upon a Time Season 1 Recap (All Spoilers, All the Time)

10 Oct

As I’ve noted previously, I often devour TV shows.  My latest has been Once Upon a Time so I can watch season 2 as it comes out.  I thought I might do some recaps of it, just for kicks.

First, let’s talk about how I (and all the girls I watch it with) call this show Xena Damages.

Because this show is all about badass ladies doing badass things in a badass, fantastical world filled with magic, overacting, and oddly poor CGI (à la Xena), but it is also about non-linear storytelling and an HBIC who wears delicious skirt suits, ruthlessly orchestrates people’s destructions, and rips people’s hearts out (à la Damages).

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The Lure and Lull of Hella Long TV Plots

14 Aug

Some mild spoilers for Voyager (kind of), SVU (a little), and Damages (a tiny one). 

I’m always looking for something new on Netflix.  And I always want to start a new show that I’ve heard is amazing, but then I don’t.  I end up going back to something formulaic and episodic.

The thing is, sometimes I’m just not ready to commit to something for eternity even though the idea of it consistently makes me put things of this nature in my instant queue–things with rich mythology and evolving characters and moral dilemmas and twisty political plots.

For example, currently I’m stuck mid-season 3 of Battlestar Galactica.  I love the characters, and I’m intrigued by the story, and I want to know everything about the mythology, but I’m finding myself impatient.  Which is totally weird for me.  I love surprises!  I can wait for almost anything.

But I love the ideas in the show so much that I went online to research other people’s analysis, and I ended up half-accidentally uncovering a lot of spoilers.

I know, Cylon Xena.  That’s how I feel about it, too.

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Adventures in Teaching: An Email I Receive Daily

16 May

Dear Asshole Who’s Ruining My Child’s Future,

Hi, I’m a parent of a student who’s not doing well in your class.  I just now checked Parent Portal one day from when school is out to make sure my child will be able to raise his 48% to a 70% in 24 hours.  I see that he does not have a grade for a test he should have taken in February.  You are screwing me around, obviously, because I checked the attendance records, and he was there that day.  WTF are you doing?  It’s probably not his fault at all that he didn’t come in and finish a test with you, and I shouldn’t be thanking you for not putting it in as a 0.

Best wishes,
Concerned Parent

PS I’m not going to address anything you said in your last email to me because that would mean my child would have to take responsibility for being a piss-poor student.  I will continue hoping that a phantom 100-point test will raise him to not an F instead of assuring you that he will be studying for his 120-point final exam or asking if he can still redo parts of his 200-point project you said he did a shitty job on.

Damages 3.11 Recap, Part 1: When Patty Totally Breaks Up with Ellen

1 Mar

Episode 11:  All That Crap about Your Family
I have the feeling this post will run long because of all the necessary pictures of broken-hearted Ellen, so this will be the first post of two. 

Ellen arrives at Ann Connell’s cozy suburban home and exchanges awkward pleasantries.

Tom rushes into Patty’s office to inform her that Gates has arrested TM, and they wonder how he knew to do that just at that moment.  Or do they wonder?!

TM, meanwhile, wants to know why she’s under arrest.  Well, her boyfriend is here illegally from Antigua, and housing an illegal alien is illegal!  She wants Patty to be her lawyer.  Duh.

That’s just what Gates wanted all along, and he and Nondescript DA Guy pat each other on the back about arresting her and figuring out Ellen’s allegiance.  When Nondescript DA Guy asks if he’ll fire Ellen, Gates tells him to send Ellen to his office “when she gets back from wherever the hell she is.”

Ellen’s now sitting on Ann Connell’s Maiden Aunt Furniture.  If I grow up to be a Maiden Aunt, someone slap me out of buying overstuffed floral anything.  Those are the absolute worst.

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Damages 3.10 Recap: When Ellen Starts Having Weird Dreams, Too

29 Feb

Episode 3.10:  “Tell Me I’m Not Racist”

Ellen’s bringing flowers to Patty’s house again?  Is there a non-dinner party I don’t know about?  Oh, weird lighting and weird baby music in the background, so Ellen must be having weird dreams now, too!  So, Ellen’s carrying these yellow flowers into Patty’s, and she keeps calling out for Patty as she looks around the seemingly empty apartment, but when she gets to the kitchen, there’s a brunette we’ve never seen before making supper, and she’s talking to Ellen as though Ellen is a kid.

“Wanna stir the blood-esque sauce, little one?”

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Damages 3.3 Recap: When Ellen Visits Her Lame Family and Realizes How Much She Misses Patty

2 Jan

Patty Hewes–looking totally badass in the best outfit of the season so far–faces off against Martin Short

Episode 3: “Flight’s at 11:08”

Previously on: Ellen’s sister’s wedding. Hm… I wonder what’s going to be up with the Parsons…

Joe’s dragging DMM’s body inside her house. What’s his plan? What does he think he can make that look like? Oh, he thinks nobody’ll notice for a while because she’s supposed to be out of the country.

This show is such a round-robin writing escapade. I wish I wrote for this show. Remember last season when Ellen and Tom had to go deep into Appalachia for some reason? Was the entirety of season two a red herring? Just a thought. Back to the show…

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