How to Take Matters into Your Own Hands When Your Husband Plans to Kill You

Warning:  Spoilers for Sudden Fear.

So you accidentally left your dictaphone on and have overheard your husband plotting with his nasty girlfriend to kill you for your gargantuan inheritance?

What’s the next step?

Let’s go to our resident expert, Joan Crawford in Sudden Fear, who brings us this flow chart detailing your options:

Who Would Win in a Fight?

John over at The Droid You’re Looking For recently did a post posing this very question, and it got me to thinkin’… I should do that post, too!

And, of course, because I can’t resist the juxtaposition, my matches will pit characters against themselves and actors against themselves.  Everybody’s oiled up, and the mud is drying, so let’s get to the ring!

Annie Oakley vs. Annie Oakley

First off, we’ve got a lady who’s been played up one side and down the other–the heroine of the musical Annie Get Your Gun.  The fighters I’ve chosen are Ethel Merman–the original–and Bernadette Peters–because why the heck not.

I didn’t see either of these productions first-hand, but I have heard the cast recordings, and I know how these gals act.  So who can do what better than whom?

Ethel Annie vs. Bernadette Annie

They’ve both got chops, and they’ve both got big ol’ voices, but if it came to a punch out, my money always must go to Ethel Merman.  Bernie’s got some toned arms, but Ethel was married to Ernest Borgnine for a while.  Plus, Bernie’s version omits a song out of political correctness.  You don’t win fights that way, Bernie.

Advantage:  Ethel Merman