Tag Archives: Patty and Ellen’s Bad Romance

Damages Season 3 Recap (All Spoilers, All the Time)

16 Mar

Oh hey, Season 3.  Haven’t thought about you in a while.  And I want to start season 4 now, so…

Best outfit all season

The format of my synopses has changed. The fabulosity of Patty’s clothes has absolutely not changed.

Flashforward Mystery #1:  Patty is driving.  Some other car runs into her!  Whodunnit?

Flashforward Mystery #2:  Mysterious Hobo hangs around a dumpster.  Tom’s murdered body is found in the same dumpster!  Whodunnit?

Main Plot Line:  Patty is the court-appointed trustee of the Tobin estate.  The Tobins are big business people involved in some kind of Ponzi scheme thing, as per usual.  She must figure out how and where and when all their money went wherever it did.

Joe Tobin, alcoholic oldest son, becomes Patty’s go-to dude for a minute, but mostly to establish him as a down-to-earth character at first.  He wants to make sure he looks as if he did everything he could to help the investigation (which also includes the DA’s office, where Ellen works now).

Joe gives Patty a cell phone number, and Hobo is in possession of the cell phone.  Tom investigates and finds clothes in the dumpster belonging to a DMM.  He investigates more.  Everyone is red-herringed into believing DMM–a lady who looks SO MUCH like Emily Prentiss from Criminal Minds–was having an affair with Dad Tobin (the CEO of the Tobin company), and Tom decides to investigate this angle because why not.

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Dear Googlers: Some Letters to Some People I’ve Never Met (Probably)

5 Oct

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “why did joan crawford not leave more to her twins?”:

I’m not sure.  If Mommie Dearest can be believed, she didn’t really like children and only had them for the publicity.  But I think her real inner life was probably more complicated than that.  I tend to see the glass half full and choose to believe she genuinely loved her children but couldn’t express herself very well in this aspect of her life because 1. she was in Hollywood too long; 2. She was naturally kind of a cold, domineering person; and 3. Her kids were probably brats anyway.

I doubt any of this is useful.  I wonder about Joan Crawford and her children, too.

Yours inquisitively,
Alexandra

PS How much did she even leave to them?  Is this a relative thing, like my mom leaving me $15,000 would be a big deal whereas their mom leaving them the same would be an insult?

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “star trek voyager queen arachnia iphone 4s case”:

If you find this item, which I hope against hope that you do, will you check and see if they have one for Motorola Droid Razr, as well?  Because that would be the most marvelous thing ever.

Thanks a lot and best of luck,
Alexandra

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Monday Night Special #6: Delving in with Diagrams (to When I Am Through with You)

24 Sep

I know what you’re thinking:  You don’t need me anymore, and you certainly don’t want me.  But, let me remind you that I made you sign the back of a business card swearing you’d been warned that grammar nerdiness lay ahead.

Arbitrarily Picked Work of Fiction:

When I Am Through with You” (AKA the Damages theme song) by VLA

The first disc of Damages Season 4 taunts me from atop my XBox, tantalizing me, daring me to watch it.  But I’m watching it with a friend whose busy schedule prevents her from coming over posthaste.  So, while I eagerly await her call, I will do some diagramming and analysis.

Quick Synopsis:

In the chorus, a  narrator addresses someone he calls “Little Lamb” and warns her over and over again that when their relationship is over, there will be nothing left of her original personality (or something).

In verse one (which I did not know existed until I looked up the song for this week’s entry), the narrator addresses a daisy–a metaphor for perhaps the naive lady to whom the chorus refers–with the same admonition and claims he will tear her out of the ground (even though she’s hiding) and “pluck you right in half.”

In verse two (which I again did not know existed), the narrator flashes back to when he packed his bags and went to the city because he believes “a body at rest / Is a life in hell.”  He then takes up romantically with a woman who calls him “Little Lamb.”

It is suggested that the last iteration of the chorus is this woman singing to him that when she completes her work in him, there won’t be anything left of him.

Important Quotation:

When I am through with you,
There won’t be anything left.

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Life Tips by Patty Hewes (An Infographic)

29 Mar

Damages 3.13 Recap, Part 2: Finale Ultima

11 Mar

Episode 13:  The Next One’s Gonna Go in Your Throat, cont.
When is season 4 out on Netflix?!

"Yeah, Patty changed her mind because that's something Patty does easily and often, especially about stuff that involves the safety of her two BFFs."

Tom and Ellen meet on the street (outside Ellen’s house?).  She’s realized her bag is gone, and she’s going to file a report about it.  Tom says he talked to Patty, who has reconsidered and now wants Tom to go through with the deal.  Whoa.  I do not believe that.  Does Ellen believe that for real, or does she want to do it as badly as Tom does?  Ooh!  I understand why that flashforward of Patty crying, “I told you to stop!” happened!!!!!  That screaming is either to Tom or Ellen, not some hired hitman killing Tom!!!!

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Damages 3.11 Recap, Part 2: When Patty Totally Breaks Up with Alex Benjamin

2 Mar

Episode 11:  All That Crap about Your Family, cont.

To cut all the Patty-and-Ellen’s-torturous-breakup tension in this episode, someone decided it would be a good idea to have some retarded Frobisher time.  They’re having a read-through of Frobisher’s movie with some baby playing Patty Hewes.

If this gal can play Patty Hewes, sign me up for the audition list.  Frobisher thinks something’s off, though, but can’t put his finger on what.  He does comment that they need a real actress to truly portray Patty’s evilness.  Patti LuPone!  Patti LuPone!

Joe’s so worried about TM being in custody that he goes to see Zedeck.  Flashback to Thanksgiving.  Zedeck gives some exposition about why Dad Tobin used TM as the courier—he could trust her, and he was desperate because of the impending investigation.  But Joe wants to know how much TM knew.  He doesn’t trust that TM will stay loyal.  I’m worried for her.

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Damages 3.11 Recap, Part 1: When Patty Totally Breaks Up with Ellen

1 Mar

Episode 11:  All That Crap about Your Family
I have the feeling this post will run long because of all the necessary pictures of broken-hearted Ellen, so this will be the first post of two. 

Ellen arrives at Ann Connell’s cozy suburban home and exchanges awkward pleasantries.

Tom rushes into Patty’s office to inform her that Gates has arrested TM, and they wonder how he knew to do that just at that moment.  Or do they wonder?!

TM, meanwhile, wants to know why she’s under arrest.  Well, her boyfriend is here illegally from Antigua, and housing an illegal alien is illegal!  She wants Patty to be her lawyer.  Duh.

That’s just what Gates wanted all along, and he and Nondescript DA Guy pat each other on the back about arresting her and figuring out Ellen’s allegiance.  When Nondescript DA Guy asks if he’ll fire Ellen, Gates tells him to send Ellen to his office “when she gets back from wherever the hell she is.”

Ellen’s now sitting on Ann Connell’s Maiden Aunt Furniture.  If I grow up to be a Maiden Aunt, someone slap me out of buying overstuffed floral anything.  Those are the absolute worst.

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Damages 3.10 Recap: When Ellen Starts Having Weird Dreams, Too

29 Feb

Episode 3.10:  “Tell Me I’m Not Racist”

Ellen’s bringing flowers to Patty’s house again?  Is there a non-dinner party I don’t know about?  Oh, weird lighting and weird baby music in the background, so Ellen must be having weird dreams now, too!  So, Ellen’s carrying these yellow flowers into Patty’s, and she keeps calling out for Patty as she looks around the seemingly empty apartment, but when she gets to the kitchen, there’s a brunette we’ve never seen before making supper, and she’s talking to Ellen as though Ellen is a kid.

“Wanna stir the blood-esque sauce, little one?”

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Damages 3.9 Recap: When Patty Hewes Is So Very Patty Hewes

17 Feb

Episode 9:  “Drive It through Hardcore”

Previously on:  Ellen’s sister’s back, and you’re gonna be in trouble!  Hey nah!  Hey nah! Ellen’s sister’s back!

2 months later:  Tom walks into Patty’s office and tenders his resignation.  He’s doing that Tom-clenching-his-jaw face that I’m kind of in love with.  She gives him an ambiguous look as he walks away.

Does this face say "Baldie, I might need you to kill Tom" or "Best of luck, Tom. I cherish the time we had together, and I will miss you terribly"?

2 months earlier:  Martin Short walks into the apartment where apparently he and Crazy Sister are roomies.  She’s dejectedly watching Wheel of Fortune (Is there any other way to watch Wheel of Fortune?), and he’s concerned about her being crazy, yet he needs her to be in hiding until Ellen quits sticking her nose in everybody’s business.  He suggests she see her shrink, and she says, “You know my brother doesn’t want me to do that.”  He says he’ll talk to Joe about it.

Martin Short leaves, and it’s revealed he’s got somebody watching the place (This guy has SO many PIs all the time!).  Patty’s got Baldie watching the place, as well (Patty has only one PI at a time).

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Damages 3.7 Recap: When Patty and Ellen Use their Respective Rebounds As Pawns

8 Feb

Disclaimer 2/13/12–I promise I did not read this recap until just this moment:  This other recapper and I are incidentally totally on the same page (we even use several of the same-ish screencaps).

Episode 7:  “You Haven’t Replaced Me”

Bourbon and Oreos? At 4 AM? Barfalicious, Patty.

Patty wakes Ellen up with a 4 AM phone call.  Ellen frets sleepily, wondering if everything is ok.  No worries:  Patty’s chilling in her office eating the worst snack ever and just called to leave a voicemail inviting Ellen to a little get together at her place on Thursday.  Ellen capitulates and makes an ambiguous facial expression as she falls back asleep next to Appalachia Reporter.

Is this a smile or a grimace?

Dammit, Tom! Why you gotta be married? And dead?

Tom follows DMM’s daughter into an Antiguan bank, where she meets with a woman in a jaunty yellow scarf.  If I worked at an Antiguan bank, I would want to be just like that woman.  In other fashion news, Tom’s Antigua traveling suit = BEST.  He is so classy.  Do I have a crush on Tom?

A Bank Dude sees Tom watching Tessa Marchetti—TM, as it were—and ousts him.  Tom apparently makes a better CSI than a PI because he got made pretty darn quickly.

TM goes to the back room and gives her check to Jaunty Scarf, signs three papers, and receives a fat envelope.

On the phone, Patty advises Tom to stay in Antigua because maybe he can get TM to talk.  Good thinking, Patty:  I know Tom’s charm would work on me.  He’s so dreamy in Antigua!!!

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