Tag Archives: HBIC

The Worst Episodes of Star Trek: Voyager (That I Happen to Like)

19 Dec

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:  Star Trek: Voyager is the red-headed stepchild of the Star Trek franchise, but, the thing is, I’ve always had a soft spot for gingers.  This soft spot is very large for anything totally ’90s and cheesy with plenty of action, so-so acting on occasion, copious CGI, and an interminably, bountifully sassy HBIC.  All of this adds up to, even though Voyager sometimes deals us some *bad hands, I still see some aces among the worst of them.

I present to you now the seven worst episodes **that I still very much enjoy.

Season 1: “Parallax”

Torres and Janeway talk science in Parallax

Pictured L-R: Torres; Reconciliation through Technobabble/Palpable Science Girl Excitement; Janeway; Season 1 Bun

The Episode:  They haven’t chosen a chief engineer yet.  Chakotay’s Maquis candidate is belligerent Starfleet drop-out B’elanna Torres while Janeway’s gunning for broken-nosed (by B’elanna Torres, no less) Lieutenant Carey.  Meanwhile, Voyager is stuck in the event horizon of a quantum singularity and trying very desperately to get out.

Why It’s Bad:  It’s really one of the only Maquis vs. Federation episodes and doesn’t make much of the premise.  Also, I guess the science is nonsense?

Why I Still Like It:  I am a sucker for B’elanna Torres episodes.  Oh, you want to split her into a Klingon half and a human half and have them talk to each other?  Sure, sounds awesome.  Oh, she’s upset about some Maquis deaths and feels the need to hurt herself a lot?  Absolutely.  Oh, she’s crash-landed on an ancient Greece planet and serves as a muse for a playwright?  Quelle fun!  Oh, she needs to go to Klingon Hades and save her mom and be Xena, the Klingon Warrior Princess?  Now we’re talking!

Oh, you want her to be all belligerent and get all up in Janeway’s grill spouting technobabble and then become BFFs with Janeway because of their mutual love of technobabble?  I will be there with SO MANY bells on!  And that’s why I like this episode:  technobabble and girl bonding.

Also, this episode takes place in the good old days when they still had Federation vs. Maquis conflict and Lt. Carey was around once in a while and Seska was hamming it up everywhere (I miss Seska so!) and we all thought B’elanna would get together with Harry.  Which actually makes a lot more sense to me than her with Tom.  They really would have been the cutest together.  Then she could’ve still been kind of a Maquis badass instead of having to play straight man to Tom’s shenanigans.

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Once Upon a Time Season 1 Recap (All Spoilers, All the Time)

10 Oct

As I’ve noted previously, I often devour TV shows.  My latest has been Once Upon a Time so I can watch season 2 as it comes out.  I thought I might do some recaps of it, just for kicks.

First, let’s talk about how I (and all the girls I watch it with) call this show Xena Damages.

Because this show is all about badass ladies doing badass things in a badass, fantastical world filled with magic, overacting, and oddly poor CGI (à la Xena), but it is also about non-linear storytelling and an HBIC who wears delicious skirt suits, ruthlessly orchestrates people’s destructions, and rips people’s hearts out (à la Damages).

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Monday Night Special #7: Delving in with Diagrams (to Battlestar Galactica)

2 Oct

Sentence diagramming was created by man.  It evolved.  It rebelled.  And it has a plan to take over our Monday nights.

Arbitrarily Picked Work of Fiction:

Battlestar Galacticaum, spoiler alert through season 4 except for the final three episodes, which I haven’t watched yet

Quick Synopsis:

Humanity lives on 12 planet colonies in the far reaches of the galaxy.  They have created sentient robots–Cylons–who have rebelled.  After 40 years of peace, the Cylons re-emerge sporting human-like bodies and nuclear weapons.  They bomb humanity, and a very small space-faring group of people on several spaceships survive and run, trying to find Earth, which is the fabled location of the 13th colony of man.

A bunch of other drama happens–including an alliance with a rebel faction of Cylons–by the time we get to season 4’s “Blood on the Scales,” in which Vice President Tom Zarek–an ex-con and idealistic-ish manipulative scumbag–has engineered a mutiny.  He’s killed all the members of the democratic governing body except for the president and her aide, and he has plenty of the soldiers on Galactica as well as a bunch of the rest of the fleet on his side.

He’s forced President Laura Roslin–who has never been elected president, only appointed a million times because she’s ruthless yet the best person for the job–into hiding aboard the Cylon baseship, and they are about to blow each other up.  Laura Roslin then says

Important Quotation:

I will use every cannon, every bomb, every bullet, every weapon I have down to my own eyeteeth to end you.

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Top 5 Janeway Hairdos

6 Sep

For a more thorough examination of this topic, please consult this fabulous video.

Oh, Captain Janeway.  Girl got some hair.  Sonnets could be written.  But I’m not going that direction.  Ima do a list of my favorites.

Honorable Mention: Evil Pompadour

Evil Janeway’s evil pompadour in “Living Witness”–with bonus evil glove and evil stink eye.

Most Prominent Appearance: “Living Witness”

What It Says:  “Force must be applied without apology. It’s the Starfleet way.”

Why I Love It:  It makes no sense to me that those future people would imagine her with that short, dark, kinda butch hair.  Wouldn’t all records indicate that Janeway usually (as of Season 4) kept her hair frivolously long and luxurious?  Whatever, though.  Still pretty great.

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Top 5 Ladies I Would Hate in Real Life (but cannot get enough of on film/television)

11 Jun

In real life, bitches can grow tiresome, but on TV we can indulge in all our bitch fantasies by living vicariously through terrible people.  Below is a listing of my top 5 characters in film and television that I would not get along with in real life because of their profound awfulness but whose profound awfulness is profoundly watchable.

Tie for #4 & #5:  The Sugarbaker Girls (Designing Women)

Julia Sugarbaker (Dixie Carter) and Suzanne Sugarbaker (Delta Burke) in a typical tableau, with Julia reprimanding Suzanne and both of them wearing the absolute ’80s-est things they could find in their respective closets that morning

Re:  Detestability:  Julia’s a know-it-all progressive attack dog, and Suzanne is a self-absorbed racist.

Re:  Lovability:  For all Julia’s know-it-all shenanigans, once in a while, she goes on a tirade that’s spot on, and even when it’s not, it’s so eloquent and passionately delivered.  Also, she has a lovely soprano singing voice.  And fabulous clothes.  Suzanne, on the other hand, is the most hilarious woman of the ‘80s.  Remember that time she sang “The Name Game” as a good luck chant when she was gambling in Atlantic City?  Remember that time she had a pet pig?  Remember that time she shot Anthony?

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A Dear John Letter to Patty Hewes

22 Mar

Dear Patty,

I thought I should let you know before you heard it through the grapevine.

“Don’t prolong this, Al. Just tell me.”

The rumors are true:  I’ve been cheating on you with another HBIC.

Who, you ask?  I’m not sure I should say anything more.  Of course, even if you wanted to do something about it, she’s way out in the Delta Quadrant–

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