part 1: blessings
if i go down for arson
ha
ha ha
i laugh so i don’t
cry
if i go down for arson
no
rewind–
start closer to the beginning
(there is no beginning
only in medias res
[present perfect progressive
{have been feeling nuts to the max}]
only now now now
[simple present
{am tapped out}]–
if i’m suspected of arson
(you can imagine the details of the arson on your own time)
she told me to ditch my car
get a wig
go on the lam
contact her with my new address
when i’m settled into my new identity
–she hopes
somewhere warm and pretty–
and she’s the best person i know
if i go down for arson
they promised
they’d set me up with money for the commissary
so i wouldn’t have to live
without lipstick
xxx
i broke our coffee pot
i was half turned
talking laughing
and it slipped to the floor
and i thought for a moment
it might bounce
bounce right back up to the counter
and the instant it shattered
they were
googling a new one
twenty minutes later
we had a brand new coffee maker
i’m the only one
who even drinks coffee
part 2: curses
i love everything
i’ve never met
a vegetable
that wasn’t edible
on some level
and i’m known for that
i’m the girl
who loves
peppers and beets and just any
fresh thing
what’d you have for lunch
someone asks as i’m flossing my teeth afterward
steak and tomatoes
trout and turnips
yes a thousand times yes
but really it’s chicken and sugar snap peas and it was delicious
but the sentiment is the same
what’d you do last night
no one even asks
anymore
they know i’ll tell unprompted
british lady detective show online shopping
bible study heavy bag workout
hammock nap research about serial killers
elaborate fantasy involving my tuxedo review of an audiobook
xxx
i hate everything
i take a lap
do ten push ups
but they’re just as ignorant
and i’m just as
nuts to the max
i have
all the energy
and
no energy
i can
[feminist rant]
but i can’t
anything else
part 3: a blessing and a curse
to be
the person who loves everything
is to be
the person who hates everything
uuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
it’s even stupid to me
and yet here we are
googling where
to send flowers
to the unfashionable psychiatrist
i’m ridiculously
smitten with
and everyone knows
and there it is
everyone knows parts of it
and no one knows all of it
just how much i love everything
and
just how much i hate everything
they’ve got
their own open secrets
and i’ve already paid for the flowers