Tag Archives: diva

Regular Poem: Emergency Diva

16 Apr

“You should’ve been there,”
he says:
“You would’ve owned
somebody’s life.”

He implies
I would’ve ripped a lying heart
out of a brazen chest
and laughed watching
the last slanderous breath
puff out of perfidious lips.

He implies
my words would’ve been
as silver bullets
to their mangy, worthless werewolves.

I say
that’s probably
not
what would’ve happened:
People have the privilege
to be as rude and ignorant
as they choose.
This is America, and
I turn the other cheek.
(Also,
own somebody’s life?
What would I do with another life?
I barely use
my own.)

He says,
“Let me pretend.”
And so
I let him.

I am Julia Sugarbaker.
I am Joan of Arc.
I am Xena, Warrior Princess.
I am anyone
you want me to be–
anyone who will avenge your name
and fight for justice
and generally be the best and baddest bitch.

But do me a favor, and
don’t call for an emergency diva
when I’m already in my robe.

 

Dueling Divas: #SpinsterHeiressProbz Edition

23 Dec

Posted as part of Backlots‘s Dueling Divas Blogathon running Dec. 20-23.

For a short while in my youth, I couldn’t tell sisters Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine apart.  To my credit, they do share a family resemblance, and they do often play the same types of roles–the naive and mousy soft ingenue who gets mixed up with an ambiguously bad man who may or may not love her back (see Jane Eyre, Rebecca, The Women, In This Our Life, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, even Gone with the Wind to an extent).

What finally distinguished them for me is hard to pin down.  I just one day could tel them apart suddenly and realized I had an irrational attachment to Olivia and an irrational dislike for Joan.

When I heard they despised each other in real life, I somehow felt vindicated in my irrationality and also was firmly on Team de Havilland.  I mean, she’s Melanie–the best movie best friend ever–AND she was best friends with Bette Davis is real life.  That’s pretty damn BA.

But, for the purposes of this blogathon, I was going to try to put my prejudices aside.  I had chosen to compare and contrast thematically similar movies, pitting them against each other in an infographic showdown diva off.

I had chosen Suspicion for Joan Fontaine: the story of a spinster heiress who marries a dashing ne’er do well who may or may not want her for her money.  And The Heiress for Olivia de Havilland: the story of a spinster heiress who almost marries a dashing ne’er do well who may or may not want her for her money.

The problem was I hadn’t seen either of these movies before.  There I had been thinking it would be a pretty even spinster-heiress match up, like my Joan Crawford vs. Bette Davis Dual Duel had been last year.  Ha!  No dice!

Suspicion straight up sucks, and The Heiress straight up rules, Joan Fontaine and Olivia de Havilland aside.

So my original plan of any kind of fair and balanced competition was out the window.  Here’s Plan B:  a flowchart that will help you figure out what kind of #SpinsterHeiressProbz you might have.

Although this flowchart ostensibly covers the two movies this post is supposed to be about, you might notice my favorite spinster-heiress movie pops up a few times as an added bonus.

Dueling Country Divas (And Their Diva Duel Movies That Might Have Been)

12 Dec

Backlots once again is hosting the Dueling Divas Blogathon, which highlights glamorous classic movie stars who hate each other glamorously and fight out their troubles glamorously.  I’m participating in this officially a little later on, but I want to kick things off a little early with a pre-blogathon post that doesn’t exactly fit the criteria.

I’ve chosen five classic country songs that feature ladies in varying degrees of duels.  Each song, in my opinion, would have made a great classic diva duel movie.  Therewith, I will share with you why the ladies in these songs are divas and how the movie that could’ve been made might’ve looked (and I apologize in advance for all the crappy posters).

Honorable Mention:  Jeannie C. Riley’s “Harper Valley PTA

The Song:  A sassy widow, the bane of Harper Valley, exposes the PTA as the hypocrites they are when they have the nerve to send a note home criticizing her lifestyle choices.

Main Diva:  The sassy widow shows her divatude in the climactic confrontation with the PTA.

Supporting Diva: Shirley Thompson, PTA board member, who, if you smell her breath, “you’ll find she’s had a little nip of gin.”  There are many antagonists in this story; however, I think Shirley would make the best lead because there’s a lot of inherent pathos in being an alcoholic.

The Movie:  I know there’s already a movie, and I’ve seen parts of it many years ago, but I imagine this starring Ginger Rogers–maybe as a post-Primrose Path or Kitty Foyle endeavor, where she is from the wrong side of the tracks and works her way up and marries a rich dude and then is jilted by him (and then he up and dies), and then the movie includes some flashbacks to life before Harper Valley and then some Stella Dallas-esque scenes of her embarrassing her daughter (the narratrix of the movie, like the song) and then the climactic showdown.  Meanwhile, a glamorously and furtively drunk Ann Sothern–a woman both hard and soft who delivers one-liners like an absolute champ but who can also convey deep emotions–plays Shirley Thompson, whose marriage to Mr. Thompson is on the rocks, and she has her own troubles when Ginger Rogers rolls into town.  The ladies hate each other at first, but then they come to an understanding after the showdown because Ginger’s dad was an alcoholic and ya da da.  And maybe at the happy ending they trade recipes and snicker about the gal who’s having an affair with the ice man.

Harper Valley PTA

***

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Dual Duel; or Dueling Duels–Now Featuring More Divas

20 Dec

Posted as part of Backlots’ Dueling Divas Blogathon.So Bette Davis and Joan Crawford feuded for years.  Genesis of feud:  ambiguous.  Rumor, hearsay, etc. suggest some sordid lesbian longing and/or boyfriend stealing fueled their burning hate for each other.

IDK and IDC.  What I do K and C about is how glamorous/best these two ladies are and how much I love them in almost anything.  While the Davis-Crawford juxtaposition is so, so, so far from original, I don’t feel that bad about jumping on the bandwagon for the sake of this dueling blogathon.  However, in an effort to distinguish myself, I’d been trying to find thematically similar movies from the same era that wouldn’t be completely obvious choices.  What I would’ve preferred is a garish technicolor post-glamour western or musical in wich the resident diva ball-busts her way through an endless stream of men, clothes, and set-pieces.

I think you know what I’m referring to, Johnny Guitar.

Don’t think you can hide out, Torch Song. I’ve got your number.

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