Top 5 Sequels/Spin-Offs I Wish Existed

We’ve all got our “what if blah blah existed, wouldn’t it be the best thing ever?” lists.  I present one of mine (what sequels/spin-offs I wish would’ve or still would happen), complete with infographics.

#5: Ruthless People The Musical

The Original: In Ruthless People, a sweet but slightly bitter couple hard-up for cash (Judge Reinhold and Helen Slater) kidnap the wife (Bette Midler) of the man (Danny DeVito) who made them poor.  But the guy hates his wife and drags his feet giving them the ransom until he’s accused of her murder.  Misunderstandings, mistaken identities, and hilarity ensue, all ending in a big-ole seaside showdown.

The Proposed Sequel/Spin-Off: Same plot, plus songs by Bette Midler and Mick Jagger.  I’m debating whether it should be updated for the modern age.  I’m leaning toward yes because the movie is the ‘80s-est thing to exist, so the musical should be the 2010s-est thing to exist—heavy use of iPhone, skinny jeans, and pop-culture references, I’m thinking.
Highlights include the hit songs “The Kidnapped and Gettin’ Buff Blues” and “If We Look Like His Parents.”

Why It Would Be Spectacular:  I can’t think of a reason it wouldn’t be spectacular.  Big budget production numbers.  A gigantic cast.  Clever songs.  Sparkling dialogue.

Starring:

They Let You Dream Just to Watch ‘Em Shatter; Or Why 9 to 5 Is a Terrible Musical

9 to 5 is a great movie.  9 to 5 is a great song.  9 to 5 is an awful musical.

First off, to the musical’s credit, the production I saw wasn’t very good, which disappointed me both because I don’t like watching bad productions and because Music Theatre of Wichita usually turns out great productions with very good choreography, very good performances, very good effects, very good music, etc.

This one, however, was kind of the pits.  The choreography was mediocre and uninspired; the performances were super lame and based too heavily upon the movie, and the singing was actually kind of bad—why was Violet always flat and why was there so much talk-singing?; the effects were lame (because of the screen thing that I will address later); and the music was both unexciting and not very full-sounding.

So all of that awful stuff isn’t the express fault of the musical itself, but let me assure you, the musical itself has its own flaws that suck and were only compounded by the above suckiness.

Damages 3.8 Recap: When Frobisher Returns, and We All Groan Because He Is Ridiculous and Not That Interesting

Episode 8:  “I Look Like Frankenstein”

Previously on:  Frobisher!?!?!?  Ugh!!!!!

Flashforward:  Ok, that thing that I thought might’ve been one of those bookends that killed Ellen’s fiancé is not a bookend; it’s a bobble head on Tom’s dash.  We see from the driver’s perspective (so we still don’t know who ran Patty down).  We’ve got driving gloves and heavy breathing.

At the station, Magician Cop is talking to Ellen and writing stuff down with this pen that I also own—except mine has a pink shaft.  He tells Ellen that Patty has been in a car wreck.  Ellen’s asking a lot of questions about what happened.  She seems rather emotional but in a reserved, cagey Ellen way.  I can’t tell whether she knows more than she’s letting on. Then Magician Cop says, “You’re good at puzzles, right?”  and proceeds to tear up a piece of paper into “puzzle pieces.”  How’s this paper going to help anything?  Maybe creepy-ass Magician Cop killed Tom.  What a weirdo.

Check out those stairs! Is this the same set as Patty’s house, or do Patty and Frobisher live in the same building? (They also have the same patio doors!)  PS, the guy in the background with the full beard is Actor, and that woman in the foreground is not integral to the plot whatsoever, but I love her because of this awesome face I accidentally captured her making.

3 months earlier, Frobisher’s having a fundraiser-type rich-people party in what looks like Patty’s house (but of course is not.  Frobisher and Patty always have the same taste in living arrangements—modern wood-and-glass fancy stuff).  He’s starting some green energy wind initiative or something ridiculous and says as part of his speech, “What is the point of doing anything unless you’re doing good?”  He talks about a movie star who supports his cause and has come to his party.

Everybody’s in This CI Right Now

I am not counting this as my first live-blogging thing, but this Law and Order: Criminal Intent I’m watching is really entertaining me right now, and I can’t contain myself.

Episode 13 of Season 6 (“Albatross”) starts out as a music video for David Bowie and Freddie Mercury’s “Under Pressure” starring some guys in Revolutionary War garb re-enacting that Aaron Burr duel.  The takes alternate–music video style–between the Aaron Burr guys and a guy with a sniper rifle.  The rifle guy kills the Alexander Hamilton guy.  And the Captain is there in the audience and runs over to the dead guy and says “The Judge is dead” and then Donna Murphy is crying a lot.