Dear Googlers 3: Even More Letters to Even More People I’ve Never Met (Probably)

20 Jan

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “is ‘just like that’ a simile?”:

In the strictest sense, a simile compares two unlike things using like or as for some figurative reason, so depending on the thing you’re saying, “just like that” about, it could–technically–be a simile.  However, I think it’s best if we file it under cliché–which is an expression as old as the hills (see what I did there?) that expresses a shorthand version of a common idea.  Generally when somebody says “just like that,” the person means something happened quickly, in a New York minute, in a flash, quicker than a cat can lick its butt with its tongue out and its tail up:  The person doesn’t actually compare two unlike things but simply says a stock phrase to get the point across.

Linguistically,
Alexandra

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “to get a necklace from a man”:

So you’re looking for tips on how to entice men to buy you things?  Well, I am baby girled quite a bit (that is, people tend to like to look out for me and do things for me and generally treat me like a baby girl, and I’m not sure how or why this happens), but men hardly ever buy me presents.  Believe me:  I wish I could be more helpful, for both our sake’s.

Regretfully,
Alexandra

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “blurry image of a woman covering her face”:

That is a strangely specific request.  I wonder if the blurry image my blog provided suited your needs?  I would love some feedback on this.  Is there a market for that sort of thing because I’m actually a pretty awful photographer, and I bet I could provide more images of this type if the need arose.

Yours,
Alexandra

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “beardy from damages” and “who is beardy in damages” and “damages – beardy”:

I’m happy to know that other people call him that.

Always,
Alexandra

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “kazon cloth”:

I did this search to see if this was a real thing in real life–not Star Trek life–that I just didn’t know about.  So, I’m going to go with Google on this one.  Did you mean kozak cloth?  Or are you actually wondering what cloth the kazon in Voyager wear?  I’m no expert, but it looks as though their garments are made of stiff fabrics like canvas?  And are adorned with fur and/or woven things like wool?

Sorry, IDK,
Alexandra

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “spice girl fairy”:

Ha!  Love it!  Fairy Spice would always wear glitter and carry a wand!

If you wanna be my lovah, you gotta get w/my friends,
Alexandra

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “victorian showgirl posters”:

Are you starting up a saloon?  Are you also looking for a honky tonk piano player?  When you get the show on the road, give me a call.  I’ll be a loyal customer.

Yeehaw,
Alexandra

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms“infographic galactica how to spot a cylon”:

Ooh!  Good idea!  I’m brainstorming for this as we speak!

All this will happen again,
Alexandra

***

Dear Googlers Who Found My Blog Using the Search Terms “star trek voyager worst star trek” and “why was capt janeway such a bitch“:

You’ve come to the wrong place, bub.  Mosey on out of here before I have to box your ears.

Go watch TNG, lame-o,
Alexandra

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One Response to “Dear Googlers 3: Even More Letters to Even More People I’ve Never Met (Probably)”

  1. silverscreenings 20 January 2013 at 3:07 PM #

    I love these letters!

    But, “Victorian Showgirl Posters” ??!?? What on earth!

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