OUaT 2.4 Recap: When Rumplestiltskin Jumps on the Non-Evil Bandwagon Maybe

28 Oct

Episode 4: The Crocodile

He liked it, so he put an over-the-top necklace on it.

Rumplestiltskin drapes a big ol’ diamond necklace around Belle’s neck.  Grumpy bursts in demanding his ax back, and Rumplestilstskin (Oh man, I’m gonna get tired of typing that one.  Let’s call him Gold instead.) doesn’t appreciate the intrusion and postehaste chokeholds Grumpy against the wall.

Don’t worry:  It was a dream.

Belle wakes up and sets to spying on Gold spinning gold and making a potion in his basement.

Flashback Pre-Zoso:  Baelfire comes into the Rumplestiltskin hovel and asks where his mom is.  Gold doesn’t know, so he goes out to find.  We find Mrs. Gold in a bar, livin’ it up.  Gold looks like a kicked puppy as he asks her to come home.  She’s belligerent, and the dashing dude she’s with is a d-bag.

Baelfire shows up at the bar and shames Mrs. Gold into coming home.

Later, at home, Mr. and Mrs. Gold are having some pillow talk about Gold not fighting in the Ogre Wars.  He thinks it was better to stay home because he’s not dead and can care for his fam, but she thinks he’s a coward and they should leave town.  He refuses to leave, and basically says, “Try not to be a slut at the bar for Bae’s sake, at least.”  I’m paraphrasing, of course.

Back in ME:  In the morning over breakfast, Belle grills Gold about why he brought magic to town.  He says magic means power.  She counters that he doesn’t need power; he just needs the courage to let her in.

Pre-Zoso Flashback:  Gold gets word that men on the docks have taken Mrs. Gold captive, so Gold goes there immediately to confront the pirate captain and retrieve his wife.  The Dashing D-Bag from the bar is the captain, of course, and he says, “I’ve got a ship full of men who need companionship.”  GROOOOSSSSS!

Anyway, gang rape aside, the Dashing Pirate D-Bag challenges Gold to a duel for his wife, but Gold declines, probably because he knows he would lose and then Baelfire would be down to zero parents.  Dashing Pirate D-Bag says, “Any man who won’t fight for what he wants deserves what he gets.”  K, Dashing Pirate D-Bag.  How’s this dude who’s never even held a sword supposed to not die in a duel with a pirate?  Maybe the pirate would’ve been lenient because of principal?  Yeah, I’m gonna trust a man who just said he was going to let his entire crew gang rape my wife to honor any sort of agreement.

Nevertheless, Gold leaves humiliated and wifeless.

I approve of Manual Labor Prince Charming. But why is Red dressed like Michael Jackson?

Back in ME:  A scene with Charming mining for fairy dust shirtless.

Gold discovers Belle has left his house.  He goes to see the florist dude, who is Belle’s dad, who claims he hasn’t seen her.

Post-Zoso Flashback:  Gold is bargaining with some dude at the bar for a magic bean that can transport people to other worlds.  Some force-choking happens and some negotiation happens, and then the pirates show up.

Back in ME: Belle has found her way to Granny’s to have a bite to eat, and Red is taking care of her because Belle doesn’t know anything about modern life.  Red suggests Belle get a job at the closed-down library that might reopen since the town is under new management (because Belle mentioned she likes books).

Belle goes to check out the library.  She can’t get the doors open, and then she gets abducted by that weird dude from the bar in the post-Zoso flashback a few minutes ago.

Post-Zoso Flashback: In the bar, Dashing Pirate D-Bag hassles Gold and calls him a crocodile (because he’s ugly? and he can’t get rid of him?)  Gold inquires after his wife, and Dashing Pirate D-Bag says she’s dead.  They agree to have a duel at dawn because they hate each other and honor and stuff.

Back in ME:  Gold comes to Sheriff Charming to report a missing person–Belle.

“It’s not what it looks like!”

Post-Zoso Flashback:  They duel with some awful CGI background that makes me dizzy a little, and then Gold tries to rip Dashing Pirate D-Bag’s heart out, but Mrs. Gold appears in pirate leather and stops him.

Back in ME:  Turns out that kidnapper is employed by Florist Dad, and Florist Dad wants Belle to stay with him and forget all about evil Gold, at which point I’m wondering if Belle is also Rapunzel.  And Belle says she was with Gold of her own volition, but Florist Dad ain’t havin’ none of it.

Gold and Charming are walking and talking.  Gold wants dating advice, and all Charming can say is, “Honesty and hard work.”  Being dreamy doesn’t hurt, either.

Post-Zoso Flashback:  Mrs. Gold says she can explain everything, and she will give Gold a magic bean in exchange for their lives.

Back in ME:  Charming and Gold go to Granny’s and ask Red if she knows anything.  At first she covers for Belle because she doesn’t trust Gold, but then Charming assures her, so she uses her wolf powers to track Belle’s scent to the flower shop.

Charming and Gold interrogate Florist Dad and infer that he’s going to push Belle over the town line so she’ll forget her life, but they don’t know how he’s going to accomplish it because there is a Border Patrol.  Then Charming sees mine dust and knows she’ll be going underground.  So that’s why we got that shirtless scene!  To show Charming knows what mine dust is!

Post-Zoso Flashback:  Gold has followed Mrs. Gold and her pirate lover back to the pirate ship, where Mrs. Gold has told him that she wanted a life of adventure and she and Dashing Pirate D-Bag are in looooooove.

Gold wants the bean, the bean gets tossed to Dashing Pirate D-Bag, and Mrs. Gold declares a classic, “I never loved you.”  Heart-ripping ensues.  Once she’s good and dead, he chops off Dashing Pirate D-Bag’s hand to retrieve the bean and leaves.

Back in ME: Belle’s locked in a mine car.  Some Indiana Jones happens for a little while until finally Gold arrives and pulls her back with magic.

She’s very upset at both her dad and Gold.  She decides neither of them love her because they don’t care about her wishes.  Kinda valid.   She decides not to speak to either of them.

Belle: “There must be more than this provincial life!” Red: “You’re right. It’s called dollar pancakes.”

Later, Belle’s at Granny’s, and Red’s being her BFF again and giving her breakfast food.  Belle receives a gift–it’s a key to the library.

She goes to check out the library for real and realizes the gift was from Gold, who owns the building.  He says he doesn’t want anything from her.  He just wants to apologize to her and admit that he tries to cover his cowardice with power and magic.  He also provides some exposition, in case any of us were in doubt:  He needs to break the perimeter curse to find Baelfire, and that was one of his main reasons for bringing magic back.

After all that, Belle’s heart is warmed, and she asks Gold out on a tentative hamburger date.

Post-Zoso Flashback:  Gold opens the severed hand.  Bean is gone!

Dashing Pirate D-Bag, who is now fully Captain Hook, has the bean and announces they’re going to Neverland with it.  He throws it into the sea to make a whirlpool and stuff.  Also, that kidnapper/trader dude from this episode is Smee.

Back in ME:  Gold has Smee tied up and is asking him where Captain Hook ended up.

Present-Day Fairy Tale Land:  Cora approaches Captain Hook and shows him the ashes she got from the wardrobe.  He calls them “sparkly dirt,” which is kinda funny, but I still think he’s a d-bag.  They daydream about using the ashes to find Regina and Gold.

Notes:

  • I understand why Captain Hook must call Gold a crocodile.  But it’s really kind of shoehorned and doesn’t seem organic at all.
  • I can’t wait for Belle and Red to be real BFFs.  This is totally Beauty and the Two Beasts!
  • I like that Cora has a partner in crime; however, I maintain that Captain Hook is a d-bag in whom I have no interest.  Hopefully that will change.
  • Gold goes for the heart.  Is this where Cora learned it?
  • Where did the magic beans come from, and are there more of them?  I want some giants up in here!  And Bernadette Peters dispensing magic beans!
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