OUaT 2.1 Recap: When Seriously Silly Soul Suckers Suck Souls Slickly

10 Oct

Episode 1: Broken

We open with a character we don’t know or care about who goes about his hipster business  in modern-day New York.  A post card from Storybrooke, ME, appears in his window with one word scrawled on the back: Broken.

You guys are going to be SO SURPRISED about who this is.

We next go to some more characters we don’t know or care about in Fairy Tale Land: A prince or something cuts through some brier to get to a sleeping beauty, whom he wakes with a kiss–although the ensuing magical wave does not compare to the one that rolled off Snow White when Charming revived her.  Following on his heels is an Asian warrior with a face covering so that we don’t know it’s Mulan yet, but we all have seen the Internet, so we all know it’s Mulan.

Back in ME, a drawn-out reunion scene occurs among the townspeople as they all realize how they’re related and love each other, etc.  This goes on for what seems like a long time, with Prince Charming and Snow White embracing a lot and embracing Emma and embracing Henry.  Then they get to the inevitable discussion:  What to do with The Evil Queen.  A bunch of townspeople want to kill her (can’t blame them).  They debate this for a while; then Henry doesn’t want that to happen because “she’s still my mom.”  What he means by this, of course, is that she’s still the best character in the show, and nobody would watch it if they killed her off.  Charming gives the best reason to stop the townspeople from storming her door (other than her being the best character): She might use magic to kill everybody.

Then we have a reunion scene in the forest between Belle and Rumplestiltskin, where they’re professing love and catching each other up on what happened to them and promising not to kill Regina and whatnot.  Also, Belle’s hair is a lot darker and softer looking this season.  Was that purple cloud secretly a salon, too?

Back in Fairy Tale Land, Sleeping Beauty, Prince, and Mulan are messing around and a scary CGI-version-of-a-dude-in-a-sheet monster floats in and brands Prince’s hand with an ominous medallion.

“I came here to do magic and look fabulous. And I’m all outta magic.”

In ME, a group of townspeople has assembled in front of the mayor’s mansion, intent on killing them a queen.  She comes out in that beautiful pantsuit she’s been in since last season, pushes Dr. Whale–the leader of this little lynch mob–around, and attempts to magicize them but fails.  She also mentions that there’s nothing to go back to:  She believes–or maybe this is just the story she’s spinning–that all of Fairy Tale Land was eradicated with the curse.  The townspeople decide to put her in jail.

Rumplestiltskin goes to his pawn shop and retrieves an ominous medallion from under lock and key.

In Fairy Tale Land, a scary scene happens between Mulan and that monster from earlier, which is a Soul Sucker, in which we get some exposition about this creature, finally.  Whomever it marks with that ominous medallion, it sucks out his or her very soul.  At which point Tish says, “Now this show is Xena Damages Paranormal Activity!”

In ME, Rumplestiltskin visits Regina in jail to gloat and mark her with the medallion.  He then goes to the forest with his Dark One Dagger and the medallion and summons the Soul Sucker.

Another boring family scene occurs.  Snow White wants to talk to Emma about mother-daughter stuff.  Emma is mad they sent her through the wardrobe, and they exchange this dialogue:

SW: You would’ve been cursed!
ES: But we would’ve been together!
Me:  But you would’ve been a baby.  And you still would be one…
Chelsy (a friend I’m watching it with): I don’t know what just happened because I was not paying attention.

In Fairy Tale Land, Mulan and Sleeping Beauty and Prince set up camp.  Prince kisses Sleeping Beauty soundly and walks off dejectedly into the woods under the guise of getting firewood or something, but he’s really leaving because he knows he’s marked, and he doesn’t want to endanger anybody.  Tish says, “It’s so sad because he knows he’s a Zoso now.”

In Rumplestiltskin’s shop, Emma confronts him about what to do next.  She wants answers, or she may just want to “punch him in the face.”  Yay!  Is Emma a badass again instead of just a whiny ass?  Rumplestilstkin won’t tell her anything about the curse or curse breaking or how to get back to Fairy Tale Land, etc.  But there’s some tornado sounds happening outside (which we know will be a Soul Sucker, but everybody in the story thinks it’s just a tornado or something else ominous).  Emma and co. leave, leaving Belle and Rumplestiltskin alone.  He had promised Belle back in the forest that he wouldn’t kill Regina, and he says that whatever this noisy, scary thing is outside will do the trick.  Belle realizes he hasn’t changed. 😦

In Fairy Tale Land, Mulan expositions again to Sleeping Beauty that Prince was marked.

You know what this is? A soul sucker. You know what it’s doing? Starving. Ay oh!

In jail, a Soul Sucker comes for Regina, but Snow White saves her using hairspray and a Zippo.  They (Snow White, Prince Charming, Emma) have the to-kill-her-or-not-to-kill-her discussion again.  Charming is firmly on the kill her side while Snow White thinks that’s stooping to her level, and Emma wants to do what Henry wants.

They get around to talking about the hideous CGI monster and decide they’re going to banish it to another realm using The Hat, which Regina keeps at her place.

In Fairy Tale Land, Mulan is tracking Prince through the woods so she can save him from the Soul Sucker.  Sleeping Beauty shows up on horseback to help and accuses Mulan of being in love with Prince.  Tish says, “I’m Mulan.  I’m very honorable.  I wouldn’t steal yo man.”

In ME, Regina has The Hat, and they’re all preparing to burn down the entire courthouse in order to piss off the Soul Sucker when it comes and then push it into The Hat.

In Fairy Tale Land, the Soul Sucker comes to eat Prince, but both Sleeping Beauty and Mulan offer themselves to it.  Everyone’s so honorable and self-sacrificing.  Triple suicide?

In ME, they’re trying to get The Hat to work.  Emma and Regina crouch over it together, and suddenly The Hat does work and sucks the Soul Sucker in as well as Emma.  Snow White jumps in after her.  Prince Charming tries and fails because the portal closes.

In Fairy Tale Land, the Soul Sucker goes ahead and sucks Prince’s soul; Mulan and Sleeping Beauty talk to each other a little about their feelings but only vaguely.

“Oh, this? The um…wallpaper turned on him…?”

In ME, Charming is mad/crying (he’s so cute when he cries!) because he thinks Regina orchestrated all of this and demands she tell him where his ladies are.  She claims she doesn’t know and suddenly has her magic back and attaches him to the courthouse wall with magic vines.  She’s about to kill him when Henry walks in, sees that she’s totally Evil Queen mode, and announces he doesn’t want to see her until Snow White and Emma return.  He leaves with Prince Charming.  Grandpa, tell me ’bout the good old fairy tale days.

A scene between Rumplestiltskin and Belle in which she decides she must stay with him to keep him kinda sane.

In Fairy Tale Land, Mulan the Exposition Queen explains to Sleeping Beauty (who’s been sleeping, of course, and necessitates EVEN MORE exposition) that this corner of Fairy Tale Land has lain untouched for 28 years, frozen in a cursed state, the land ravaged.  The curse has been weakening for the last year, and Mulan and Prince were finally able to find Sleeping Beauty.

Good thing that broom got sucked in with them.

Suddenly, Snow White and Emma plunk through the portal unconscious.  Mulan is pissed because she knows they’re the reason the Soul Sucker has been flying around.

Notes:

  • The beginning hipster is probably Baelfire, Rumplestiltskin’s son, but who sent him the postcard?  The Blue Fairy?
  • Sleeping Beauty kinda looks like a sober baby Lindsay Lohan.
  • This Soul Sucker plot is kinda lame.  It seems really shoe-horned in order to send people back to Fairy Tale Land.  I wish we would’ve had some foreshadowing in Season 1–like seeing this medallion ever.
  • Is Emma actually the magic?  The Hat doesn’t work until she messes with it, and by messes with it, I mean grabs Regina’s arm.
  • So the Soul Sucker thing that’s been happening in Fairy Tale Land actually happens between the time it was pushed through the portal and Emma fell through?  Is Fairy Tale time super fast?  Or was Prince marked before and it only materialized now when the Soul Sucker came through?
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