Damages 3.13 Recap, Part 1: Finale Penultima

10 Mar

Episode 13:  “The Next One’s Gonna Go in Your Throat”
First Post of Two (three if you count the notes page) Alert–It’s the finale, after all!

Patty’s at the lakehouse in her all-business sunglasses.  She flashes back to May 1972 (as a title card informs us).  A doctor tells Patty being a mother’s more important that any law school stuff she has planned.  Her voiceover seems to capitulate.  A blonde who may or may not be a young Patty stands outside the fence at a horse pen and pets a horse.  Julian Decker appears from out of the barn and asks what she’s up to all the way out there.

"Surprise! I'm real only in Patty's flashbacks!"

Um… Julian Decker has been a hallucination the whole time?!?!?!?

Young Patty continues talking to Julian Decker: “I’ve always wanted to have a child,” she says (in a ridiculous octave-higher-Young-Patty-voiceover voice).

Tom lets Martin Short in to his apartment.  Ellen appears from behind a corner and says Martin Short’s all set with the DA.

Patty confronts Cougar Hippie on the street, where Cougar Hippie shows off the Jag she bought.  Patty cutting Pattysims, “When you accepted my money, you knew what my terms were.”  Cougar Hippie ably responds, “Don’t think you can dictate the terms of our relationship.” Oh man, Patty Hewe’s smile after that!

"Oh no you didn't."

Something awesome’s going to happen soon!  Cougar Hippie’s final throw:  She invites her to the baby shower!!!!!!!!  She thinks she won!  Oh, Cougar Hippie.  You don’t even know.  I can’t wait for this.

"We're registered at Target."

Gangster Attorney goes to see Charity Money Guy, who mentions the meeting with Zedeck.  Whoops.

Immediately, Gangster Attorney meets with Zedeck and Joe.  Zedeck is flabbergasted; Joe schemes.  Joe tries to blame Martin Short, and Zedeck says he never should’ve cut him off.

Wes, I hate this goatee and this greasy hair, but you're still SO attractive.

Ellen, at a diner, meets Wes who is dreamier than ever!  She starts in, “You never told me you were a cop.”  Um… That’s your biggest deal right now, Ellen?  He then admits, “Ellen, [Beardy] killed your fiancé.  Frobisher was behind it, just like you thought.”  She questions him further about what role he played in all of it, and she figures out (and loves) that he killed Beardy.

Tom picks up his Honda and tries to get the car dealer to remove the Statue of Liberty bobblehead, but the guy insists it’s good luck.  K, ironic foreshadowing.

I'm gonna miss dream team moments like these next season. 😦

Patty day dreams about having bloody hands while she meets with Ellen and Tom about trusting Martin Short and dropping off money, etc.  Tom hands Ellen the keys to the Honda.  Red herring alert.  Ellen did not run into Patty.  I refuse to believe that one.

Frobisher and Wes meet at a shawarma stand.  Frobisher seems more amusedly annoyed than anything.  Wes wants Frobisher to admit to the killing and turn himself in or something idealistic and ridiculous like that.  Frobisher warns Wes to drop it because as much what Wes knows about him is proportional to what Frobisher knows about Wes, except Frobisher is rich, powerful, and not technically a cop killer.

Joe tells Lily Tomlin Martin Short’s stealing from them, but Lily Tomlin doesn’t believe.  He continues acting like a know-it-all big shot, and Lily Tomlin slaps him.  Yeah!

Slap him again, Lily Tomlin!

Flashback to Thanksgiving:  The money fiasco is all Joe’s big-shot fault.  Dad and Martin Short came up with the Ponzi scheme to cover Joe’s ass.  End flashback.  It comes out that TM’s his daughter, and that everyone’s been lying to him about the money and DMM this whole time.  Joe starts drinking again.  Lady Macbeth is crying; I suspect she’ll be sleepwalking soon.  Joe states, pretty darn accurately, “You knew that if you told me the truth, I would turn the money in.”  She swears that money was not her motive.  He doesn’t believe it, and kicks her out of his life with a classic, “You are dead to me.”

Michael and Cougar Hippie drive up in the Jaguar.  Some cops arrest her.

In the interrogation room, Patty explains to Cougar Hippie why she’s been arrested with a veritable cavalcade of cutting Pattyisms, including but not limited to the following:

  • “You hurt my son.  You had sex with him, and when the baby’s born in prison, Michael will have sole custody.”
  • “Sexual intercourse with a minor is never consensual.”
  • “You’re despicable, and you’re a criminal.”
  • “The date of conception is all the proof I need.”  (Because she’s going to use that DNA test as evidence!)

This is my favorite Cougar Hippie face--an utterly bewildered and beleaguered sneer.

I am fist pumping about this turn of events—especially the deliciously Patty Hewes delivery on all of those cutting Pattyisms and the look of confusion/pain on Cougar Hippie’s face.  Cougar Hippie has some good facial expressions.  She’s kind of a great actress, I think.

Patty meets with Lily Tomlin, who wants to confess in exchange for Patty’s leaving Joe alone. She spills about TM’s death and knowing about the Ponzi scheme.  She goes on to explain that she tried to get Dad to get DMM to abort, but he didn’t because he wanted to have the grandchild.  And he didn’t ever have an affair.  No dice, Lily Tomlin: Patty wants Joe big time.

Frobisher and Douchey Producer are in a club flirting about his being a bad boy.  “I’ve always thought a man’s gotta be awful if he wants to be great,” she says.  I hope she killed Tom so she can go to prison.  I hate her so bad!  Ghost of Gay Crush Lawyer shows up to make fun of Frobisher for wanting everyone to like him.

What does this face mean?! Ellen, you're so ambiguous this season! Congratulations!

Ellen picks up Martin Short in Tom’s Honda.  He’s signed the immunity papers.  He doesn’t trust Tom or Patty, but he sees a kindred spirit in Ellen for not going back to work for Patty Hewes, or something. Ellen reassures him by saying, “This case is gonna make my career, and I have no desire to share it with Patty Hewes.”  Is this a tactic, or does she really feel this way?  I’m going with a tactic, but I’m not sure whether Ellen or I really know.  Anyway, she asks about what the evidence is, and he tells her about the detail envelope.

Martin Short leaves accompanied by scary music, and he has stolen Ellen’s purse!

Patty drunkenly has flashbacks to the horse and to promoting Tom and to Ellen in the 3.1 bathroom scene and to Michael saying (in season 1?) “People either leave you or they die.  Those are the only two endings possible with you.”  She’s wearing the same outfit she was when she broke up with Ellen:  Either this is her drinking-and-thinking outfit, or this occurs on the same night.  Who’s to say?

Tom and Ellen have been summoned to the park to meet Patty, but she’s 20 minutes late.  Cut to Patty walking rather aimlessly on a sidewalk not in the park.

Dad Martin Short sneaks into Joe’s hotel room to steal some money and finds the deliver-to-Patty-Hewes envelope.

Patty arrives at the park and expresses her desire for them to call off the deal with Martin Short.  She vows to help Tom financially, but Tom doesn’t want to take Patty’s help.  Patty tells them they ought to take a walk since it’s such a beautiful night, and she leaves Ellen and Tom and I to contemplate the caring-Patty weirdness of this scene.

To be continued…

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