Adventures in Teaching: Fun with False Facts

23 Jan

I graded a bunch of 11th-grade research (and I use the term loosely) papers recently, and I learned a lot of really useful/completely false/oddly worded information.  Observe:

Sexual harassment has been around for 37 years.

It will probably be extinct in a matter of months.  It has a pretty short lifespan.

Four months later Tim whines up in a hospital bed  in a comma because he pushed his body way to hard with the pills he was taking also know a winstrol.

Catching up on whining can encase a person in a comma.  Can too much begging wrap a person into an ampersand?  And haven’t I read a Poe story in which the protagonist walls someone into an asterisk for nagging?

People can be doing sexual harassment things and not even know it. You have probably done it and have not even realized it until now. Saying or doing sexual harassment things once or twice in a humorous way is okay to a women cause she thinks it is flirting, but when you start getting really touchy, or asking to do sexually thing with them, that’s when you have gone too far.

Three strikes and you’re out, buddy.

The idea of using guns in gangs came from the 1988 movie colors.

Before 1988, gangs used mostly noogies.

You have a few drinks with some friends, and find yourself getting dizzy and puking everywhere. You then wake up the next morning and do not have any idea of where you could possibly be. You have most likely been date raped.

Obviously.

Sexual harassment happens everywhere we are. Some of the places sexual harassment is found at are restaurants, movies, concerts, police officers giving you tickets, secretaries’, work, school, and malls, even you house. The most common place that sexual harassment takes place is at a workplace (including the secretary), and school.

Hide ya kids; hide ya wife.  They’re sexually harassing everyone (and not having any parallel structure whatsoever) up in here.  Also, did I mention that secretaries are especially prone to sexual harassment?  Both the administrative assistant kind and the desk kind, I guess, since sexual harassment can happen “at” them.

Sexual harassment can cause people to get depressed, suicidal, or even drugs.  Once you have been sexually harassed you do not know what to do. So you keep it locked inside you, not letting anyone know what has happened. Once the sexual harassment gets really bad, well so do you.

Poetically cryptic.  What does it mean?!

***

By the way, I do not hate my students.  I actually rather like them, and I don’t want to make fun of them; they try hard (sometimes).

This stuff just really struck me as exceptionally un-edited.  Did they really read those things over to themselves and say, “Yes, this is exactly what I wanted to say, and it makes perfect sense”?

If my student days may stand as a testament, I will humbly say “no.”  They said, “Finished” and handed it in.

Boom, done!

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