Damages Season 1 Recap (All Spoilers, All the Time)

So, I got this blog a few years ago and never did anything with it.

 And then a while back I started reading some live-blogged Lifetime Movies and Xena Warrior Princess episodes and stuff, and I thought it looked like a lot of fun.  So I started thinking about what I could live blog, and I decided on Damages season 3.  But I figured I’d do a recap of seasons 1 and 2 first, partially for any readers I probably won’t have and partially to get the tone down. So here’s season 1.

Pictured L-R: The only piece of Patty’s wardrobe I don’t love (sunglasses); Gay Crush Lawyer

Patty Hewes—a glamorous, high-powered attorney—is class-action-lawsuiting Arthur Frobisher on behalf of his former employees.  Patty hires fresh-out-of-law-school-top-of-her-class-best-ever-supposedly Ellen Parsons because Ellen’s boyfriend’s sister, hereafter called Terrible American Accent, could break the case wide open (because she’s kind of a slut and once slept with a guy whom Frobisher’s married Southern lawyer had a gay crush on and so knows about some stock thing maybe so Frobisher gave her money to start a business to keep her quiet but she didn’t know that’s why he had given her the money because she’s not only kind of a slut but also kind of dense).

Tom’s relationship with Patty allows him to wear checks, stripes, and polka dots simultaneously without looking like a clown.

Elsewhere in the cast, Tom Shayes is Patty’s right-hand man, who is totally whipped, but a decent family man who is nice to Ellen.

Terrible American Accent’s hookup, Gregory Molina, figures out he knows stuff (Gay Crush Lawyer told him to sell his stocks before he should’ve known to sell stocks) and puts it all in a tape to send to Terrible American Accent.

Corrupt cop who works for Frobisher, hereafter called Beardy, tracks Gregory down and kills him and goes looking for the tape at Ellen Parsons’s house, which is this fantastic but kind of creepy apartment that Patty hooked her up with, whose neighboring apartment is tenanted by a tall weird guy who keeps showing up ominously.  Don’t worry; he’s a red herring.

Frobisher may be able to stand looking at your creepy face, but I can’t. Keep your beard away from me, Beardy.

Of course, Beardy goes to Ellen’s because, meanwhile, Ellen Parsons has become Patty Hewes’s right-hand girl for pretty much no reason.  (Ellen Parsons is so lame!) And so, Beardy can’t find the tape because Ellen has hidden it somewhere super secret that only she and David (boyfriend) know about, and he kills Ellen’s boyfriend (who is now her fiancé—but only kind of because they broke up because she wouldn’t leave Patty for him).

The lamest couple ever!

Ok, so a few nights before, or maybe just a night before, Patty decides she’s gonna play dirty (which is what she always ALWAYS does) and tries to blackmail Gay Crush Lawyer about his gay crush so that she can win the case, so he comes to her office, and she says she’ll give him a job after Frobisher fires him and all this, but he’s having none of it, so he shoots the heck out of himself, right there in Patty’s office!  And Patty calls Ellen about it!  And Ellen shows up to help!

So the night David (boyfriend/fiancé kinda) gets murdered by Beardy, Ellen and he had had a fight, so she goes over to Patty’s, and Patty says, “I’m going to my lakehouse.  You can stay at my fabulous apartment, and don’t worry, I won’t send Uncle Pete—my faithful uncle/thug—to kill you or anything for knowing too much about that time I broke lawyer ethics and blackmailed a dude until he killed himself, which I feel pretty guilty about, I guess.”

Ellen-“Do you regret what we did?” Patty (thinking to herself)-“Chica gotta die now.”

And Ellen says, “Okey dokey” and proceeds to sleep in Patty’s bed until being rudely awakened by her would-be murderer, whom she kills in self-defense.  She goes back to David, who is dead, and then runs around New York with blood all over herself and basically no clothes on until she’s arrested for murder and ends up with the kindly old lawyer whose job offer she turned down in favor of working for Patty Hewes way back in the first episode. She gets off, of course.  And goes back to Patty, of course.  And also hooks up with the FBI through the kindly old lawyer so she can find dirt on Patty.

Pictured L to R–Principled/Handsome FBI, Douchey FBI, Ellen Lamest Ever Parsons

Um, also, it’s not really in order.  The whole season there are flashforwards to Ellen at the police station getting interrogated, and Ellen getting attacked, and Ellen getting David’s blood all over her.   

This is one of Ellen’s most exciting outfits.

And interspersed throughout are some scenes of Patty at her baby daughter’s grave and her crying really crazy at the lake house.  (Not The Lake House with Keanu Reeves.  That would really make a girl cry.)  These scenes show that Patty Hewes is HUMAN. Another thing, on perhaps Ellen’s first day, Patty sends Ellen shopping for better clothes, but Ellen gets a bunch of lame stuff instead of taking after Patty and getting power suits.  Because Ellen is SWEET and NAÏVE and PURE.

“For real, though, maybe you should get a few things. Even my casual wear’s better than whatever ’70s shift dress you’ve got on.”

Also, a few scenes of Ellen’s family life.  She’s got a sister.  I can’t remember if this sister is younger or older, but she turned down an interview with Patty to go to the sister’s wedding, and then Patty showed up at the wedding to give her the job.  Additionally, Ellen’s mom is super sweet and tries to take really good care of Ellen, but Ellen doesn’t appreciate her.Also, a few scenes of Patty’s family life.  Her husband is rich, and her teenage son is naughty and also has her exact same haircut.

Twinsies Mother/Son Haircuts!

One more thing, about the middle of the season, Patty fake fires Tom to keep tabs on Ellen and then fake hires him again.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Frobisher gets shot by one of the plaintiffs—the one he was clandestinely talking to who got cut out of the ultimate settlement because of the clandestine meetings because Patty found out, and she has PRINCIPLES.

Season 2 Recap in next post…