If All Movies Had Been Made in the 1940s(ish)

17 Jan

Cracked.com ran a photoshop contest a while back with this same premise.

This is something I’ve thought about before, and continue to think about, especially when I watch movies that could have been infinitely more satisfying if they had shown the tiniest ounce of restraint/morals. 

So I’ve compiled this short list.  Some even have posters!

Showgirls of 1933–a lavish, big-budget musical about the perils of rising to the top of the showgirl world!  Stars!  Songs!  Sin!

Starring:

  • Ruby Keeler as naive up-and-comer Nomi Malone who wishes only to be a great dancer!
  • Warren William as amoral producer Zach Carey whose aim is to corrupt and canoodle!
  • Joan Blondell as street-smart romantic Molly, Nomi’s only friend, whose toughness hides her caring heart!
  • Marlene Dietrich as decadent star Cristal Connors, whose ambition and exoticism push her to the top, only to be toppled by Miss Malone!
  • Directed by Busby Berkeley

Never Let Me Go–the tragic tale of young love and perverse scientific experimentation!

Starring:

  • Jennifer Jones as Kathy, a sympathetic girl who learns her life is not her own!
  • Robert Walker as Tommy, the confused boy she loves!
  • Angela Lansbury as Ruth, Kathy’s best friend and love rival!
  • Ingrid Bergman as Sister Mary Elizabeth, compassionate nun and headmistress of the “boarding school” where these unfortunate children reside!
  • Directed by Frank Capra

 

Black Swan–an unnerving psychological portrait of a woman come un-done by repression… and ballet!

  • Olivia de Havilland as Nina Sayers, a nervous ballerina under the pressure of performance!
  • Kay Francis as her demanding mother!
  • Rita Hayworth as Lily, the free-and-easy new dancer in the ballet troupe who threatens to steal Nina’s first lead role!
  • Vincent Price as Thomas Leroy, the ballet troupe’s dangerous director!
  • Gowns by Edith Head
  • Directed by Alfred Hitchcock

Disclaimer:  I know how ridiculous most of these casting choices seem:  The rigid studio system never would’ve allowed for most of these ensembles.  Oh well.  And yes, Kay Francis is a little young to be playing Olivia de Havilland’s mom, but I figure Hollywood thinks women age hella fast anyway, and I love Kay Francis and wanted her in that movie!  So there!
PS Yes, Showgirls is basically a sleazier 42nd Street, but 42nd Street doesn’t co-star Marlene Dietrich. Yowza!

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One Response to “If All Movies Had Been Made in the 1940s(ish)”

  1. manonmona 17 January 2012 at 4:01 PM #

    Reblogged this on Espacio de MANON.

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